From Boris to Booze

The movie’s title was catchy, The 12-Year-Old Murderer. That’s a title I will not scroll past. With a warm throw blanket and a glass of wine, you don’t need popcorn. I lie. There is no wine, but there’s beer. I’m at the age where I can’t handle 40% alcohol and still operate normally for the following week. Who wants a drink that will mess up their whole week? Can you even afford that kind of loss? I prefer beer for long nights. It’s easier to drown in wine and drain a bottle in two hours, but beer has a way of slowing you down. If it’s not the million and one visits to the bathroom for a leak, it’s the pauses in between to belch. Today is a long night for me. I want to binge-watch everything with a catchy title, and that’s how I came across the movie.

It becomes more interesting when I see Boris Kodjoe on the screen five minutes into the movie. Tell me a soul that will want the distraction of bathroom visits when watching Boris in action. No, scratch that, he doesn’t need to be doing anything, he can just sit pretty and I will still want no distraction watching him. If I am to choose between beer or Boris, that’s an easy choice. But fantasizing about Boris in a sober state is boring. The beer will ruin the moment and so will coffee. Please don’t remind me he’s married, I know. I’m not looking for a husband in him. He’s out of the way. I’m after a fun night. If that means one and a half hours of staring at him, I will take it, his wife can have him off-screen.

As I struggle between beer and coffee, I’m wondering if there’s an alcoholic option I haven’t explored. Something not too mild or have me in the lavatory half the time. Maybe I should have bought a bottle of vodka and mix-up a punch. The only problem with that is that last time I tried making a punch, I almost lost a partner. Not lose him to death, it wasn’t poisonous but it was undrinkable. Something was missing and it dragged my ego with it. That was my last attempt with a punch. I still lost him but the punch had nothing to do with it. Ordering a couple of DrunkenApe cocktails could have salvaged the moment. Glue our time together a little longer. You know how they say, a relationship is hanging by a thread? Ours could have been hanging by a cocktail. Anyway, I digress. But the cocktails could be more interesting than Boris, and I assure you that’s a tall order.

Last week I attended this event that was happening at Mirema Drive in one of the many clubs that the area prides itself in hosting. It wasn’t a random event I found myself in, I was invited by a long-time friend. He, for many years now, has been an entrepreneur I admire. He has grown a brand from scratch to a well-known party lingo. From his WhatsApp status, I have seen his dedication to bringing to life an idea. First I loved the packaging, I wasn’t sure about the brand name, but who am I to judge a name that I know not of the inspiration drive? When I got a chance to go and interact with this project, a project that I have seen since its birth, it was an honor.

I was a bit late for the event. Saturdays feel like off days. The days you sit on the bed for an hour wondering if leaving the house is a need or a want. I found myself in that dilemma that day. The urge to finally meet the brand and taste it surpassed the urge to sleep in. When I got there, the cocktails were everything I expected and more. It was like a blind date with a date who looks better in person They sat there with colours screaming delicious. The packaging was so classy that I immediately wanted to order sunglasses online to complete the sassy look. Mind you it was drizzling.

It’s the kind of cocktail that makes a statement. The kind of high you aim to achieve with a whole bottle of wine, you achieve it with one cocktail. Two cocktails are equivalent to two bottles of wine. When I tell you I have friends in high places, you won’t believe it until you taste DrunkenApe. The idea of these cocktails is thought through, mixed with all genders in mind. They have gin, rum, whiskey, and vodka. All for the same price. I didn’t get a chance to sit down with my friend to ask him how he came up with the name for these refreshing drinks, but that became a non-issue when I tasted each.

It’s a rule of thumb for everyone to drink a cocktail or two in their lifetime. This year you could drink two cocktails for your birthday and call it a day. Nobody wants to be stuck in traffic for four hours because they are trying to celebrate their birthday. Invite a few friends over, and buy each two cocktails from DrunkenApe. They have an online shop. See if you won’t order every weekend. They’re affordable, I promise you won’t go broke. Bridal showers don’t have to be boring anymore, spice up the Instagram photos with saucy cocktails.

Buying a DrunkenApe cocktail is buying class and getting value for your money. They have wholesale prices for large quantity deliveries, deals you will get addicted to. They assured me of swift delivery. I will pause this movie, let my beer sit cold in the fridge, and wait for my Klaus Vodka Cocktail to get here. Boris deserves a Klaus intensity. Nothing like getting attention from two hot men

Or are they the ones getting divided attention from me? Only one way to find out. Anything for a fun night and a cocktail for double gratification